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You see, I grew up in church. I went every Sunday and I pretended to listen to what the pastor was saying. However, I didn’t go because I wanted to. I went because my parents went. It became a chore and something I ‘had’ to do. I went through the motions of raising my hand for salvation every Sunday, but I didn’t really understand this comittment I pretended to make.
When I was 7 years old, alchoholism consumed my father and my parents ended up divorcing. My life as I knew it came crushing down. I was so young and I couldn’t understand the importance this decision would have on my life. I began to fall away from God. I was angry at him for splitting my family up. I was going through a pain that I could do nothing about, and no one on earth could. And the only one who could help, I rejected. Why? I later found out that it was fear. I held on to my pain because it was comfort and it was all I knew up until the age 11. I felt this way and continued to clutch my ‘comfort blanket’ tightly. Insecurities grew and I began to feel like less of a person. Like I never added up. I then felt my God calling me back because, throughout the years that I ignored him, he never forgot about me or left me. I made the most important decision to rededicate my life to Christ which changed my life forever.
Now it wasn’t all ‘peaches n cream’ after that. I still face the effects of a divorce. I have seen the effect it had on a family. I have seen what alchoholism does to a person, to a family, and to a daughter who looked up to her father, but I don’t and will never let that effect me in the future. When I felt as though I was losing my earthly father, my heavenly father was right there holding me. And now I have my earthly father back too. It’s amazing!
Despite the fact I went through many trials and pains, God pulled me through and was always there for me throughout it all. Even when I thought I was alone God truly brought beauty from my pain. I thank God everyday for allowing me to go through those things. Because, it is in our times of hurt or pain, of despair and loneliness, that we seek his face the most and grow. One of my favorite verses is in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.’ I would not be half the person I am standing in front of you if he hadn’t.”
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